I recently tried new introduction techniques in order to establish a different feel or tone for my paper. It was definitely not as easy as I thought it would be write four introductions to the same guts of a paper. It definitely tested my mind and creativity. I thought I did a decent job. Each of these could probably use a little more work.
#1-Problem or Dilemma
On shopping Sunday all grocery stores across the nation get their shelves wiped clean. The snack aisle gets destroyed on this day. All sorts of chips, pretzels, and other unhealthy garbage gets purchased by the locals. Nowadays with so many choices to choose from customers can spend hours looking for the brand of chips that suits their needs. I took it upon myself to research the different brands of Lays potato chips so I could better inform customers on their selection.
#2-Address the readers concerns.
Perhaps you have been shopping and seen the enormous variety of Lays potato chips. You have probably searched for the right brand, but you don't want to make the wrong decision and get shafted out of some money. There should be an easier way to tell the exact differences in these chips to better inform you, the customer. Well you're in luck! I researched and analyzed four different brands of Lays chips. They are as follows:
#3-Striking Fact
On average, Americans consume nearly six pounds of potato chips each year! Americans are hooked to this deliciously tasting crisp of fat that has no benefit to your health. I analyzed four different brands of potato chips in order to see if some were healthier than others without losing that amazing classic taste.
Tyler - Your first introduction is my least favorite. It confuses me as it changes from "shopping Sunday" to the varieties of lays potato chips. If your essay is somehow about the connection between potato chips and "shopping Sunday", then great. But, I don't think that is what it was about. However, it could bring the reader in wanting to know how the two link together.
ReplyDeleteYour second introduction was very informative and would make me want to read more into it. However, I think you should take out the "They are as follows:" line, as it does not flow well with the rest of the paragraph.
Your third paragraph is my favorite introduction. It is very interesting with the facts presented and makes me want to further understand the varieties of potato chips and how they impact the health of those who eat them. I would definitely choose this introduction.
I did the same technique for my third one and its my favorite as well. Using statisitcs is very interesting to the reader and it allows the reader to learn maybe something they didnt know. I also agree with Grants that the first one was kind of confusing but I do like how it can be personal and people can relate to the topic.
ReplyDeleteI like the first one best because it clearly stated the purpose of the essay and kept my interest the best. The second one didn't keep my interest and the third one was good but could be improved upon.
ReplyDeleteTyler,
ReplyDeleteI felt that your strongest introduction was your 3rd one. I believe any reader likes an interesting or shocking statistic. It really caught my eye and i wanted to read more
Using stats and questions is a great technique to use. I liked all your intro's but my favorite was your third because its my favorite technique to use. It gives the reader a chance to learn something maybe there interested in and if they are interested then you successfully grasped the readers attention like you did to me
ReplyDeleteI felt that the first introduction was a little misleading. The technique was also really similar to the second one. I liked your third introduction the most. Using an attention-grabbing fact is always a good technique for an introduction.
ReplyDeleteAll of your new introductions were good. Your third intorduction was my favorite though. I liked this one the most because the fact grabs the readers attention and then your description of a potato chip just makes the reader more interested.
ReplyDeleteHi Again Tyler,
ReplyDeleteI like how you introduced this post.
Consider adding your original conclusion to the beginning of this and to introduce it a bit more. Analyze the original and then talk more about each revised draft.
What do you like about each one including the original? What needs work?
Which one is best in the end? What do you think about what your peers said? In the end, what did you learn about writing introductions? This might be a nice way to end htis post and then to include that learning in your "Letter to the Reader" later.
Ms. Basko
Ms. Basko
SORRY,
ReplyDeleteI MEANT YOUR ORIGINAL INTRODUCTION.
:)