This paper was incredibly hard to revise because I didn't know where to start. There was so much to revise and a lot of it was really hard to do. I just drew a huge blank on how to elaborate more on my examples and I have no idea why. I would say that the biggest reason could have been that the examples I chose were probably not good enough to elaborate on easily. I changed my intorduction and conclusion because those two parts of my paper needed that attention most. I also tried to seperate my examples of sin commiting by using better transitions. I needed to add more detail to most of my examples as well. I think that this revision turned out pretty good. I mean it isn't hard to improve on something that needed as much work as this draft needed. I believe that even more could probably be done, I just don't know what.
Your Local Golf Course
Tyler VanLandingham
According to USA Today, 75% of top executives cheat in the game of golf. Not only do they cheat, but they commit all of the other 7 deadly sins as well. The sins of lust, envy, sloth, wrath, gluttony, greed, and pride appear everywhere; some places more than others. Typically, I run into the seven deadly sins every time I play a round of golf. No matter what state I might be in or time of day, it doesn’t matter where because there is always some idiot making a fool out of himself.
The sin of pride can start right on the first tee when some air-headed “pro” hits the best shot of his life and gloats about it until he whiffs on his second shot. Probably the most classic example of greed shows itself on the golf course. I remember one time I was out mowing fairways and some older gentleman was looking around the water for his ball. Unfortunately he couldn’t find his ball so decided to place one out of his bag. This phony then called over to his buddies: “I found it! I was about two inches from the water!” What a loser.
Most of the other sins arise about midway through the round, especially lust. Every golfer waits for the infamous cart girl that trucks around in her cart that contains what every struggling golfer needs. A nice cold beer. Not only do the golfers fall for the beer, the extensively hit on the girl. Now if you have never been on a golf course before, a cart girl looks pretty much like your dream girl- and then some. She is always extravagant and wonderful. Just the kind of pick-me-up a terrible golfer needs. Immediately after the showing of lust comes envy. The newly rejuvenated golfers hit some of the most fantastic shots of their lives, but there is always one golfer who cant capitalize and fails. You can see it in his eyes: the wish that he could have hit a good shot in front of the cart girl. Then jealousy strikes him down like Zeus’s thunderbolt and his head is now permanently up his ass for the rest of the round.
Now the last three sins of sloth, wrath and gluttony come after the front nine holes. At almost every golf course there is a snack shop. This place serves sandwiches, burgers, and hot dogs. Basically, if the cart girl didn’t revitalize your game, then the snack shop will. People order massive amounts of food and just stuff their face in order to fill the cracks in their game. Sloth also makes its appearance here. At the snack shop people start to take forever and the pace of play slows down considerably. The golfers that overstuffed themselves can barely move and everyone behind them that can see their sluggish movements begin to get pissed. At this time my favorite sin, wrath, explodes from the darkness. With the built up animosity due to the slow play, golfers will tend to hit bad shots, then the performance begins. You begin to see clubs fly magnificently through the air like birds, loud expletives run through the trees, and the occasional crack of a broken club against a defenseless trunk. I enjoy this the most when I can see or here these notions of anger.
While there is still time, Americans need to get their acts together. We can no longer act this way amongst our society. . We all walk around thinking that people owe us things when in reality nobody owes you crap. You have to work for everything you have and hopefully we will all realize that someday. If everyone made a small effort each day into changing their behaviors, then our society would get along much better In the meantime, just go out and enjoy yourself on the golf course.
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